Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
