One girl and one boy is just not enough.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
