I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
