arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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