so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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