nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
