I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
