Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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