Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
