if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
