1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
