Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
