Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Randomize
