I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
