Umm I'm too high to move.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
It was confusing and full of hummus
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
