I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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