Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
