Where did you get a picture of my penis
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
