please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize