i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
