There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
