O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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