dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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