I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
