apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
