Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
