Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
