i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
