3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
