This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
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I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
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She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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