I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
