im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
tell me about the eggs
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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