problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
