You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
