I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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