discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
