So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
