you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
