It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
