I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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