just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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