dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
