Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
