He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
