did you get engaged???
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Randomize
