WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
