Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
