If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
