Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize