If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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