Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Randomize
