take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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