Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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