i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
we're so committed to being not committed
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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