just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
