she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
