Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
