Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
