I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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