I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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