I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
