if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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