I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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