my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
wow bdsm is so cute
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
