My cat gives me a boner
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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