We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Buhtt sex?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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