I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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