dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
