So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize