Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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