He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
