i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
