I love black thongs
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
