Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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