I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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