I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
