the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
