so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
