i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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