My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
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I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
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Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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