every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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