So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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