I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
